[h=4]On His Rumored Drug Problem ...[/h] "I am on a drug. It's called 'Charlie Sheen.' It's not available because if you try it once, you will die. Your face will melt off, and your children will weep over your exploded body. Too much?"
[h=4]In Response to People Telling Him to Get Help ...[/h] “They were like ‘AA this’ and I was like ‘bye bye that'.”
[h=4]On How He Avoids Relapsing ...[/h] "I just don’t do it. I will not believe that if I do something then I have to follow a certain path because it was written for normal people. People who aren’t special. People who don’t have tiger blood and Adonis DNA."
[h=4]In Response to Statements That He’s Hit Rock Bottom ...[/h] “Rock bottom? That’s a fishing term. Doesn’t Jimmy Buffett sing ‘Down to rock bottom again?’ Doesn’t he? Love me some Jimmy Buffett.”
[h=4]On Wanting to Go Back to Work ...[/h] "I demand that these questions be answered, because until they are, we're just sitting there like Winnie the Pooh over there. That's how I feel. I am that happy. Look at that smile on his perfect face."
[h=4]On the Possibility of Starring in 'Major League 3' ...[/h] "Whatever ... If they want me in it, it's a smash. If they don't, it's a turd that opens on a tugboat."
[h=4]On his Relationship with 'Men' Producer Chuck Lorre ...[/h] “Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words -- imagine what I would have done with my fire-breathing fists.”
[h=4]On His Romantic Life ...[/h] “News flash: I am special, and I will never be one of you. I’m going to hang out with these two smoking hotties and fly privately around the world. It might be lonely up here, but I sure like the view.”
[h=4]On His Self-Image ...[/h] "I’m tired of pretending I’m not a total bitchin’ rock star from Mars."
[h=4]On Reportedly Being Bi-Polar ...[/h] “And then what, what's the cure? Medicine? Make me like them? Not gonna happen. I'm bi-winning -- I win here and I win there.”
[h=4]On His Love of Family ...[/h] “If you’re a part of my family, I will love you violently.”
[h=4]On Chuck Lorre ...[/h] "I spent close to the last decade effortlessly and magically converting your tin cans into pure gold. And the gratitude I get is this charlatan chose not to do his job, which is to write. Clearly someone who believes he's above the law."
[h=4]On Being a Good Guy ...[/h] "I believe that chivalry is not dead. It’s just been in a coma for a long time.”
[h=4]On His New Rockstar Lifestyle ...[/h] "The run I was on made Sinatra, Jagger, Richards, all the others look like droopy-eyed, armless children. It was epic."
[h=4]On Allegations That He Has a Drug Problem ...[/h] “I have a disease? Bullshit. I cured it with my brain.”
[h=4]On Curing His Problems with His Mind ...[/h] “My success rate is 100 percent. Do the math!”
[h=4]On His 'Live Life to the Fullest' Motto ...[/h]
On His 'Live Life to the Fullest' Motto ... "There's a new sheriff in town. And he has an army of assassins."
[h=4]On Being a Major Success ...[/h] "I have a grandiose life. I embrace it. Sorry my life is so much more bitchin' than yours. I planned it this way."
[h=4]On the 'Two and a Half Men' Hiatus ...[/h] "I'm insulted. I am confused. But these resentments, they are the rocket fuel that lives in the tip of my saber. Want to go to war. Let's go to war."
[h=4]On Always Being Right ...[/h] "Every plan I have is the best plan in the room."
[h=4]On People Who Gossip About Him ...[/h] "Look what I'm dealing with, man. I'm dealing with fools and trolls."
[h=4]On His Eight Years on 'Two and a Half Men' ...[/h] "An unwanted relative being given cold coffee at 9pm every night."
[h=4]On Being Called an Anti-Semite ...[/h] "I was referring to Chuck by his real name, because I wanted to address the man, not the bullshit TV persona. So you're telling me, anytime someone calls me Carlos Estevez, I can claim they are anti-Latino?"
[h=4]Advice to the UCLA Baseball Team ...[/h] "Stay off the crack. Drink chocolate milk."
[h=4]On Whether He Can Manage Drugs Socially ...[/h] "Yeah, yeah, but that kinda blew up in my face ... like an exploding crack pipe."
[h=4]In Response to People Telling Him to Get Help ...[/h] “They were like ‘AA this’ and I was like ‘bye bye that'.”
[h=4]On How He Avoids Relapsing ...[/h] "I just don’t do it. I will not believe that if I do something then I have to follow a certain path because it was written for normal people. People who aren’t special. People who don’t have tiger blood and Adonis DNA."
[h=4]In Response to Statements That He’s Hit Rock Bottom ...[/h] “Rock bottom? That’s a fishing term. Doesn’t Jimmy Buffett sing ‘Down to rock bottom again?’ Doesn’t he? Love me some Jimmy Buffett.”
[h=4]On Wanting to Go Back to Work ...[/h] "I demand that these questions be answered, because until they are, we're just sitting there like Winnie the Pooh over there. That's how I feel. I am that happy. Look at that smile on his perfect face."
[h=4]On the Possibility of Starring in 'Major League 3' ...[/h] "Whatever ... If they want me in it, it's a smash. If they don't, it's a turd that opens on a tugboat."
[h=4]On his Relationship with 'Men' Producer Chuck Lorre ...[/h] “Clearly I have defeated this earthworm with my words -- imagine what I would have done with my fire-breathing fists.”
[h=4]On His Romantic Life ...[/h] “News flash: I am special, and I will never be one of you. I’m going to hang out with these two smoking hotties and fly privately around the world. It might be lonely up here, but I sure like the view.”
[h=4]On His Self-Image ...[/h] "I’m tired of pretending I’m not a total bitchin’ rock star from Mars."
[h=4]On Reportedly Being Bi-Polar ...[/h] “And then what, what's the cure? Medicine? Make me like them? Not gonna happen. I'm bi-winning -- I win here and I win there.”
[h=4]On His Love of Family ...[/h] “If you’re a part of my family, I will love you violently.”
[h=4]On Chuck Lorre ...[/h] "I spent close to the last decade effortlessly and magically converting your tin cans into pure gold. And the gratitude I get is this charlatan chose not to do his job, which is to write. Clearly someone who believes he's above the law."
[h=4]On Being a Good Guy ...[/h] "I believe that chivalry is not dead. It’s just been in a coma for a long time.”
[h=4]On His New Rockstar Lifestyle ...[/h] "The run I was on made Sinatra, Jagger, Richards, all the others look like droopy-eyed, armless children. It was epic."
[h=4]On Allegations That He Has a Drug Problem ...[/h] “I have a disease? Bullshit. I cured it with my brain.”
[h=4]On Curing His Problems with His Mind ...[/h] “My success rate is 100 percent. Do the math!”
[h=4]On His 'Live Life to the Fullest' Motto ...[/h]
On His 'Live Life to the Fullest' Motto ... "There's a new sheriff in town. And he has an army of assassins."
[h=4]On Being a Major Success ...[/h] "I have a grandiose life. I embrace it. Sorry my life is so much more bitchin' than yours. I planned it this way."
[h=4]On the 'Two and a Half Men' Hiatus ...[/h] "I'm insulted. I am confused. But these resentments, they are the rocket fuel that lives in the tip of my saber. Want to go to war. Let's go to war."
[h=4]On Always Being Right ...[/h] "Every plan I have is the best plan in the room."
[h=4]On People Who Gossip About Him ...[/h] "Look what I'm dealing with, man. I'm dealing with fools and trolls."
[h=4]On His Eight Years on 'Two and a Half Men' ...[/h] "An unwanted relative being given cold coffee at 9pm every night."
[h=4]On Being Called an Anti-Semite ...[/h] "I was referring to Chuck by his real name, because I wanted to address the man, not the bullshit TV persona. So you're telling me, anytime someone calls me Carlos Estevez, I can claim they are anti-Latino?"
[h=4]Advice to the UCLA Baseball Team ...[/h] "Stay off the crack. Drink chocolate milk."
[h=4]On Whether He Can Manage Drugs Socially ...[/h] "Yeah, yeah, but that kinda blew up in my face ... like an exploding crack pipe."