Thousands of years ago life was a bore for everyone. Problems didn’t exist. Solutions didn’t exist. Excitement didn’t exist. People just ate nuts and berries and hunted the odd animal or two. There were no crazy nights out, no mindless brawls, no trying it on with your neighbour’s sexy missus, nothing!
Then one time, some careless individual failed to properly dispose of some food. A couple of weeks later this person discovered his mistake and saw his food lying there. But something strange had happened. The food had liquefied and had a strange odour. Being a reckless and quite daring individual, he decided to take a sip of this strange smelling liquid.
Within half an hour of his momentous decision to sip this potion, this guy had beaten the shit out of his best mate, shagged his wife’s mother up the arse and wrote a wonderful poem that brought tears to the eyes of every female in the village.
Not only was his mother-in-law’s anus changed forever, so too was the human race.
No one knows what this guy’s name was, all I know is that if he was around today, I’d buy him a pint or two as an expression of my gratitude.
Here are my top 8 reasons why alcohol kicks ass:
1. Nights on the piss give you hilarious stories to impress people with
Have you ever made a total tit of yourself while out on the piss? If the answer is yes then you have yourself an anecdote and have made yourself more interesting. Of course, the more often you make a twat of yourself the better. And you don’t have to make a fool of yourself all the time, just get some of your fellow alco mates to start acting the clown and you have yourself another notch on your drunken stories belt.
The funniest and most interesting stories I have are drink related. Loss of control of bodily functions, removal of clothing, trips to accident and emergency, I’ve been there and done that and lived to tell the hilarious tales.
You might think that getting stripped naked by your mates and then being tied to a lamp post and left there to be buggered by the local rapist is a bad thing. Well on the face of it, it looks bad but just think how funny that story will be once you’ve recovered from the trauma. After a few years of therapy you’ll come out the other side a more fun and interesting person and you’ll forevermore be the life and soul of every party you attend.
He doesn't know it now, but in years to come he'll be thanking his mates for doing this
.:MORE HERE:.:insertevillaughhere
Then one time, some careless individual failed to properly dispose of some food. A couple of weeks later this person discovered his mistake and saw his food lying there. But something strange had happened. The food had liquefied and had a strange odour. Being a reckless and quite daring individual, he decided to take a sip of this strange smelling liquid.
Within half an hour of his momentous decision to sip this potion, this guy had beaten the shit out of his best mate, shagged his wife’s mother up the arse and wrote a wonderful poem that brought tears to the eyes of every female in the village.
Not only was his mother-in-law’s anus changed forever, so too was the human race.
No one knows what this guy’s name was, all I know is that if he was around today, I’d buy him a pint or two as an expression of my gratitude.
Here are my top 8 reasons why alcohol kicks ass:
1. Nights on the piss give you hilarious stories to impress people with
Have you ever made a total tit of yourself while out on the piss? If the answer is yes then you have yourself an anecdote and have made yourself more interesting. Of course, the more often you make a twat of yourself the better. And you don’t have to make a fool of yourself all the time, just get some of your fellow alco mates to start acting the clown and you have yourself another notch on your drunken stories belt.
The funniest and most interesting stories I have are drink related. Loss of control of bodily functions, removal of clothing, trips to accident and emergency, I’ve been there and done that and lived to tell the hilarious tales.
You might think that getting stripped naked by your mates and then being tied to a lamp post and left there to be buggered by the local rapist is a bad thing. Well on the face of it, it looks bad but just think how funny that story will be once you’ve recovered from the trauma. After a few years of therapy you’ll come out the other side a more fun and interesting person and you’ll forevermore be the life and soul of every party you attend.
He doesn't know it now, but in years to come he'll be thanking his mates for doing this
.:MORE HERE:.:insertevillaughhere