Take a moment to imagine this scenario: You’re at a club getting wasted with your friends, you head to the bathroom to relieve yourself when you make a disturbing discovery—it burns when you pee. Panic sets in as you wonder why. Fortunately, this particular club sells emergency STD test computer chips. You make a mad dash for one of the vending machines, shell out $1.60 for the device, make a beeline back to restroom and frantically urinate on the USB stick. You then plug it into your smart phone and moments later receive a diagnosis: You’ve Got Chlamydia. Looks like you won’t be hooking up with that hot brunette you’ve been chatting up all night, after all. It may sound bizarre (and depressing) but this could become a reality for young Brits in the very near future. Doctors and technology experts are currently developing tiny USB computer chips designed to give instant diagnoses of various STDs, and the UK is investing a substantial amount of money into the project because public health experts believe it is the best strategy for fighting the country’s rising STD rates among youths.
The test chips, which work using nanotechnology and microfluidics (um, yeah…. we don’t know what those are either, but they sound legit), will be sold in drug stores, supermarkets and nightclubs. The first two we get, but, nightclubs? Really? Despite the ridiculous scenario we dreamed up and outlined above, the truth is, we suspect that anyone who thinks they might have an STD would likely just wait until the following day to find out—regardless of any potential hook-ups on the immediate horizon. Who wants to find out that they are indeed rocking a nasty case of herpes while they’re out with friends at Boom Boom Room? If that’s not the mother of all buzzkills, then we don’t know what is. On the other hand, this could be a great way to screen your one-night stand before bringing her back to your place:
STD Test App - USB That Tests for STDs | The Smoking Jacket
The test chips, which work using nanotechnology and microfluidics (um, yeah…. we don’t know what those are either, but they sound legit), will be sold in drug stores, supermarkets and nightclubs. The first two we get, but, nightclubs? Really? Despite the ridiculous scenario we dreamed up and outlined above, the truth is, we suspect that anyone who thinks they might have an STD would likely just wait until the following day to find out—regardless of any potential hook-ups on the immediate horizon. Who wants to find out that they are indeed rocking a nasty case of herpes while they’re out with friends at Boom Boom Room? If that’s not the mother of all buzzkills, then we don’t know what is. On the other hand, this could be a great way to screen your one-night stand before bringing her back to your place:
YOU: “Man, you are really turning me on… what do you say we get out of here?”
HER: “Sure!”
YOU: “Awesome, but first, could you go pee on this and then bring it back to me?”
Still, we like the idea of instant STD testing in USB form because, provided you purchase them in a drug store like a normal person, they hold the promise of accurate test results in the privacy of your own home—which potentially means more people will find out they have something and take care of it before spreading it to others. So let’s hope these nifty little buggers make it Stateside as well.HER: “Sure!”
YOU: “Awesome, but first, could you go pee on this and then bring it back to me?”
STD Test App - USB That Tests for STDs | The Smoking Jacket
